One of the smartest things you can say in a difficult conversation? "I could have handled part of this better too."
That can feel counterintuitive. After all, if you are initiating a tough conversation, you are usually focused on making the case for what the other person did wrong.
But most conflicts are not 100% one person's fault and 0% the other's. Marriage counselors have known that forever.
And if you are a leader talking with someone who reports to you, there is another reality: whatever happened, happened on your watch.
Maybe you could have
- Provided better training
- Clarified expectations
- Created a better policy
- Been more available for questions
- Encouraged people to ask for help rather than guess
Why say it out loud?
First, accountability is contagious. When you genuinely name something you could have done differently, the other person is more likely to stop defending themselves long enough to consider what they could have done differently too.
Second, it protects the relationship. You can still be crystal clear about what needs to change without dumping 100% of the blame onto the other person.
Third, it models accountability. If you want people on your team to own mistakes, learn from them, and talk openly about what they could do better, they need to see you do the same.
In difficult conversations, admitting your part does not weaken your message.
It often makes it much easier for the other person to own theirs.
